Brokenness

Seriously, God amazes me EVERYDAY!! When I started to pray a few weeks back about "church" and where God wanted me...I had NO idea what He was going to do with that prayer.

This past week was SERIOUSLY rough on me - mentally, emotionally, physically, and mostly spiritually! I knew I needed a place where I could go this weekend and feel God just wrap His arms around me with all that's going on around me and inside of me. I didn't tell anyone but my roommate where I was planning to go to church, on purpose:) I needed to just see GOD work and what He was going to do!

When they introduced Jeremy and Jennifer from FFH, it took EVERYTHING in me to not stand to my feet and cheer like I was at a concert. I LOVE FFH (I even own a handful of their records) and was in SHOCK they were in the same room as me. He starts strumming and I knew that song, "One of these days". Jennifer caught my eyes and beaming smile - you could tell she was thrilled to find someone in the audience that knew who FFH was from back in the day, as I sang along to every word with them. After they shared the testimony of when they took a sabbatical from the band (I remember that!!) I was in awe as I heard the stories of things they went through and to where God had brought them. I understand the way in which they asked for a simpler life - I've done the same thing - and it always amazes me that God doesn't listen to the ways in which WE want that and on the timetable we function. He gives us HIS best...

As she sang the words to the second song, I just shook my head and felt a gripping in my heart - it was unexplainable!!! Tears just welled up in my eyes as the words she sung sunk deep into my soul.

I want your best but what if your best is brokenness
Would I be broken?
I want your best but what if less than what I ask And what I'm hoping?
What if your best is here in the waiting, here in the going thru the motions?
I'll still be trusting all I am, and all have, and nothing less to Potter's hands

What if God's best for me is just to be broken at His feet?! A broken will that is FULLY surrendered to HIM?! My plans laid at His feet and following what HE wants for me and not what I desire for myself?! What if He has no "big" plans for me other than to just be a moldable piece of clay?! What if He just wants me to be a BROKEN vessel that only HE can complete and use for His glory?!

That is what I long for from the deepest parts of my heart and soul...

It was not irony that I visited this church today - It was GOD'S plan. A bigger picture then what I can grasp - and I look forward to seeing how He uses it!!

Father God, please give me a heart that is submissive to YOU and Your plans for my life - no matter what. Help me to trust you for YOUR best - in the waiting times especially, help me to live so YOU will be pleased. Living a life that is not only surrendered to You but BROKEN for You Father and moldable in Your hands!! It's only because of You I live - may I bring You praise through it.