Saturday was a bad day! My car wash fundraiser was a flop and the heat whipped the snot out of me.
Sunday was a bit of the same. While chatting with Pastor Joe, talking through some of my fears of leaving home and going on WR, I realized there is a LOT I am "giving up" and "putting on hold" to follow after the heart of my Father - this FREAKED me out!
Monday I about had a panic attack at work from the fear that was gripping my heart of leaving what I know, the things that are comfortable. And, besides, I was reminded that I do love my job, truly!! The combination of this "attack" and things that came to light while chatting with Pastor Joe Sunday put me at the end of my rope.
It was officially decided ---
Period.
End of story –
... I started to think of my amazing squaddies I've grown SOOO close to already. I decided I needed some back up and sent out a text to three friends and squaddies for prayer.
I was past the point of praying over this anymore, I wasn't going but figured I’d let my friends just make sure I wasn’t losing my mind (because I've been called crazy before). Off the text messages went.
I had to leave work quickly after a meeting and get off to the chiropractor. When I was getting my computer shut down, I went to close my email and saw a message from someone who commented on my blog. I opened it quickly but it was kinda long and being in a rush, exited out and off I went. While the A/C in my car was adjusting and I was buckling up, I loaded the email onto my phone and started to read as I put the car in reverse - I couldn't move. The words read:
I started to bawl, of course. Why was God sending me a sign when I already made my descison -
I called Christine (one of my Squaddies whom I had texted) and I was so excited to chat with her! I've only talked to her via Facebook, text and squad calls. I was ready for some 1 on 1 heartfelt girl time:o) The first thing she asked was what was going on. I told her I'd get to "that" part but she had to hear what had just happened. I told her about the email I got and was frank,
Girl, I wasn't praying for a sign, but I was kinda hoping God would make it really clear! (Remember, I was done praying over this - I had made up my mind!! But my heart was torn somewhat so there was that "hoping for something" thing.) And listen what He [God] sent to my e-mail... (and so I told her about the email from the Squatmates Mom.)
She interjected,
I was slightly relieved yet in awe at the same time. How could God show up TWICE over the SAME thing.
That sense to BELONG to something and being reminded that I'm a fantastic woman in the site of God, meant to be with a SPECIFIC group of people for a SPECIFIC TIME!!! Wow - I was truly blown away by this!
I felt bad when I had to get off the phone but I was at the Chiropractor. Because I was late, I had to wait - no biggie - God's been teaching me a LOT of patience lately. While I was in the waiting room, I was able to share with both the gals at the desk about my trip - Thank you Jesus for the opportunities you give! (Yet another reminder that HE is IN the details - something I've prayed for from the VERY FIRST day of my commitment to WR.) When I went back to meet with the doctor, God gave me a THIRD confirmation that being on The World Race in 2013 is EXACTLY where HE wants me!! (I won't go into details on this one but whoa...three times?!?! Yup, I'm stubborn enough to need multiple confirmations and because JESUS LOVES ME - He is willing to send me that many reminders!)
I took away a few really important lessons from this past weekend and the crazy Monday I had:
Sunday was a bit of the same. While chatting with Pastor Joe, talking through some of my fears of leaving home and going on WR, I realized there is a LOT I am "giving up" and "putting on hold" to follow after the heart of my Father - this FREAKED me out!
Monday I about had a panic attack at work from the fear that was gripping my heart of leaving what I know, the things that are comfortable. And, besides, I was reminded that I do love my job, truly!! The combination of this "attack" and things that came to light while chatting with Pastor Joe Sunday put me at the end of my rope.
It was officially decided ---
I AM NOT going on the World Race!!
Period.
End of story –
no more discussion!!
But...
... I started to think of my amazing squaddies I've grown SOOO close to already. I decided I needed some back up and sent out a text to three friends and squaddies for prayer.
I was past the point of praying over this anymore, I wasn't going but figured I’d let my friends just make sure I wasn’t losing my mind (because I've been called crazy before). Off the text messages went.
I was NOT prepared for what would happen next!
I had to leave work quickly after a meeting and get off to the chiropractor. When I was getting my computer shut down, I went to close my email and saw a message from someone who commented on my blog. I opened it quickly but it was kinda long and being in a rush, exited out and off I went. While the A/C in my car was adjusting and I was buckling up, I loaded the email onto my phone and started to read as I put the car in reverse - I couldn't move. The words read:
...my
daughter...just got...accepted for the race, and we've been reading
blogs to learn more about everything. ...your blogs made me smile and
happy to know that the two of you may meet and become friends. ...I
really want her to have a strong group of friends around her. She is a
fantastic person and I can tell you are too. ...I will be praying for
your whole group as you prepare for this awesome experience. In God's
love, [Mom of fellow Squaddie]
I started to bawl, of course. Why was God sending me a sign when I already made my descison -
I was NOT going!!
I called Christine (one of my Squaddies whom I had texted) and I was so excited to chat with her! I've only talked to her via Facebook, text and squad calls. I was ready for some 1 on 1 heartfelt girl time:o) The first thing she asked was what was going on. I told her I'd get to "that" part but she had to hear what had just happened. I told her about the email I got and was frank,
Girl, I wasn't praying for a sign, but I was kinda hoping God would make it really clear! (Remember, I was done praying over this - I had made up my mind!! But my heart was torn somewhat so there was that "hoping for something" thing.) And listen what He [God] sent to my e-mail... (and so I told her about the email from the Squatmates Mom.)
She interjected,
Praise
God! I was praying God would make it VERY CLEAR because you BELONG on
this squad - we need you!! You are an essential part to our squad - a
leader that we need.
I was slightly relieved yet in awe at the same time. How could God show up TWICE over the SAME thing.
That sense to BELONG to something and being reminded that I'm a fantastic woman in the site of God, meant to be with a SPECIFIC group of people for a SPECIFIC TIME!!! Wow - I was truly blown away by this!
I felt bad when I had to get off the phone but I was at the Chiropractor. Because I was late, I had to wait - no biggie - God's been teaching me a LOT of patience lately. While I was in the waiting room, I was able to share with both the gals at the desk about my trip - Thank you Jesus for the opportunities you give! (Yet another reminder that HE is IN the details - something I've prayed for from the VERY FIRST day of my commitment to WR.) When I went back to meet with the doctor, God gave me a THIRD confirmation that being on The World Race in 2013 is EXACTLY where HE wants me!! (I won't go into details on this one but whoa...three times?!?! Yup, I'm stubborn enough to need multiple confirmations and because JESUS LOVES ME - He is willing to send me that many reminders!)
I took away a few really important lessons from this past weekend and the crazy Monday I had:
- Don't fight with God - you WILL lose!
- Sometimes, He wants you to NOT know what's what because HE knows and He WANTS YOU to TRUST Him!!
- HIS TIMING is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS PERFECT!!!!
- Waiting on HIM is a molding process that HE wants me to endure through because HE is on the flip side!!! He wants my attention and my heart in full contentment in the waiting!
- His PLANS are ALWAYS BEST!!
Until He shows me HIS plan in full - at HIS feet, surrendered I wait!!
The waiting times are hard. I pray in these that I can remain faithful to HIM and HIS desires for my life!!
The waiting times are hard. I pray in these that I can remain faithful to HIM and HIS desires for my life!!
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