Have you ever had to give back something you didn’t own?! Maybe visited a really cool place, curled up in a great chair to read a book and then had to leave it?!
 
At times, I feel part of this journey, WR Prep, is just that!

God  has blessed me in ways FAR beyond my imagination or desires. At times I really struggle with the idea of leaving and giving up all that I've been given. The thought of  loading up my pack to travel across the world and leave all that I love and know; in only 5 months; um... not so much a lovely thought! WR prep is not all rainbows and sunshine. Just being real y'all!

I was talking to a squadmate about this and she laid out some honest truth, in genuine love. (I am SO blessed and totally in love with my twiney!)
 
If I can’t surrender back to God what He has blessed me with –
how could HE be the focus of my heart?!?

God wants all of me and at times, hard truths like this are going to surface in the midst of emotions and personal desires! I can’t hold anything or anyone higher in my love or desire except Jesus! Period.

So why is this so hard to accept?!

Um… rather than list a bunch of excuses, let me frank –

I’m selfish.

Plain and simple!
I know this journey requires anything but a selfish heart and I am praying for God to break that however; I just didn't think He'd do it HIS way. (Did I really just say that - yes I did!)
Father, in the daily battles and struggles, I know (logically) that I can't do this without you. Applying this and accepting this in my heart has been REALLY hard and I just can't fight it anymore! I know you are in control and I need your help to help me trust you fully - nothing held back. God - I give up! I can't do this. I can't do it without you. I need you! I need the amazing Godly people you have put in my life. I need your grace and strength for the hard days and the days 'I just don't feel like it'. Please give me courage to choose rightly so you alone are glorified!